Directed by Joel Schumacher
Starring George Clooney, Chris O’Donnell, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Uma Thurman, Alicia Silverstone
Things have been quiet around Shitflix lately, but that’s because I haven’t seen a lot of shit, no sir, I have been seeing a lot of shit, like Night of the Lepus! Holy shit! Killer rabbits vs. Dr. McCoy! Coming soon…
Nope this post is in honor of the latest Chris Nolan helmed Batman movie which I can’t wait until tonight to see. So nice to see the potential realized on this franchise after the dissapointing mess it was years ago. It took almost ten years to inject new life into the Caped Crusader after this turkey.
Batman and Robin is basically Joel Schumacher’s gay bondage fantasy, where Batman is obsessed with skin tight latex clothing and cavorts around with a vapid, pandering young cohort. If your idea of entertainment is close-ups on Chris O’Donnell’s ass and sculpted plastic nipples on rubber costumes than this is your film baby. What’s that? Can’t get any gayer? How about a choreographed ice skate fight on wires? The fact that they wrote in pop out ice skates on the Batsuit makes my skin crawl.
Hoping that some testosterone will be injected into the flick with the addition of Schwarzeneggar? Well, you can bury that dream right next to your testicles. This is Arnold’s worst role since Jingle All the Way. Cheesey, non-funny one liner references to ice prevade his ham-fisted performance as Mister Freeze. And nothing is more pathetic than watching Arnold try to cry on screen.
Except maybe Alicia Silverstone’s acting. Take the marbles out of your mouth. Jesus.
The closest I compare the experience of watching this “film” would be taking the finger paintings from the students at a school for the exceptional and trying to tout the tard tapestries as Titians. You can see the anguish on George Clooney’s face with each delivered line. Like some retarded mong just off-screen is yelling at him, “Ooo, now say hi Freeze I’m Baman.”
Now watch Joel Schumacher apologize for the foppish, over-funded mess:
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