Welcome to Shitflix! Where we review only the worst movies that hit the screen. That’s right, watching dozens of movies a month is inevitably going to result in the viewing of some truly awful films. Films that just make me mad that I wasted the time watching them, but I shouldn’t think of them that way really, they’re learning experiences on what not to do. For those of you who say, well it’s easy to critique when you don’t create, fuck that shit, I do create, I’ve even created and worked on some turds, and know a turd when I smell it.
Who are we?
-pupson13
My name is Ash and I am a slave. As far as I can tell, the year is 1300 A.D and I’m being dragged to my death. It wasn’t always like this, I had a normal life, once. I had a beautiful girlfriend named Linda. We decided to spend a weekend at an abandoned cabin in the woods. While there we found a book, Necronomiconexmortis, roughly translated, the Book of the Dead. Inked in human blood and bound in human flesh it was never meant for the world of the living. The book awoke something in the woods, something evil. It took Linda. Then it came after me, it got into my hand and it went bad, so I lopped it off at the wrist. But that didn’t stop it, it came back for more…
-Dantasia
Some movies are born bad while others just happen to turn bad along the way. Is this due to them not being hugged enough when they were going through preproduction? Were they bullied during dailies? We may not know why bad movies are the way they are, but we do know that it is thanks to bad movies that we can truly appreciate the good ones. Some bad movies are so bad they are great. The movies I’m going to review here are not those kind of bad. I’m going to review the bad movies that are so bad they piss me off. I have this condition were once I start a movie, I have to see it through till the end. If a movie is so bad that I’m wanting to kill myself before the credits roll, then this is when I want blood to spill.
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