Directed by Paul Weiland
Starring Patrick Dempsey
Michelle Monaghan
You know what takes a lot of time and energy? Getting married. Not that the event wasn’t beautiful and emotional and all that shit, but from a guy’s perspective, I’m glad I only have to do it once. Married guys, where you at? Can I get a what, what…or whatever?
It’s all the planning, the family, the drama, the last minute crisis. Give me a quiet day by the pool with an ice cold Mai Tai and a good book instead. So while we’re on the subject, let’s talk about the unrealistic expectations set forth by Hollywood romantic comedies surrounding weddings, like Made of Honor for instance.
Might as well called this one Made of Shit, cause that’s what it was. My wife is a huge Patrick Dempsey fan. I guess the image of his lanky, pasty, shirtless torso driving a riding mower around surburbia in Can’t Buy Me Love never left her secret fantasy place. Which means years later, when Mr. McDreamy has a resurgence in popularity, I have to go see all the shitty, shitty romantic comedies he has to rehash.
She’d been dying to see this one and I had made her watch In Brujes, Dark Knight, and Wall E recently (I know, I’m such a bastard) so it was time to jump on a shit grenade. Like I hadn’t learned anything from 27 Dresses. So I cave one night on our honeymoon, we order it from pay per view.
In this train-wreck, Dempsey plays an arrogant womanizer who only realizes his female best friend from college is the woman of his dreams after she’s engaged to another man. Heard it before? I know, the orginality floored me as well.
What really made this film stink, besides the re-tread plot, were the ancillary characters and transparent story devices. Let’s start with the writing. Any time, Dempsey came across as too chauvenistic, they’d throw in a bit with him petting a random dog. In screenwriting, the oldest and most blatant way to get the audience to identify with the main character is to have him interact positively with either pets or kids. Except the way this was used, it made some weird, somewhat offensive connection between man’s best friend and his best friend, making me think he thought of her as a dog.
How about the supporting cast? One the male side you’ve got the wise-cracking token black friend, two other guys I can’t even remember having a personality, and this random dork they all play basketball who I guess was supposed to be there for comedic relief, but really, just came across sad and pathetic. On the female side, you’ve got fat girl on the liquid diet (=fat jokes), the temptress/ex-mistress of Dempsey Bijou Phillips (=slut jokes, at least you get to see her in some lingierie), and the plain Jane (=no jokes).
The fact that none of the characters were fleshed out to anything more than one dimension made every joke just increasingly more ridiculous. Example, the protagonist doesn’t even have a job as far as I can tell, yet he does somehow have a lifestyle like P-Diddy in Manhattan.
Throw in a few heavy handed prat falls, some anal beads on an old woman (no joke), and a panaplea of overracted, melodramatic garbage and you’ve got the recipe for disaster. What made it worse was on the flight back from Hawaii, the only movie showing was, you guessed it, Made of Honor. Thank god for first class drink service.
Here ya go assholes
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